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Posted October 25, 2013 by Ashton Graves in Editorial
 
 

Netflix has a problem and no one is talking about it

netflix-logo
netflix-logo

Over the last half of a year I have been dealing with what I consider to be a pretty serious problem: My Netflix no longer streams in HD. I know what you’re saying right now, #firstworldproblems. But imagine, with how often you use streaming media services, how much of a problem it is when you’re trying to watch The Office and it looks like a Minecraft Server is putting on a play. At first I thought I was alone in this problem but the matter of fact is this, apparently I’m not the only one.

XBNETFLIX

This goes on for about 60 more pages, I shit you not.

 

Riddler's_box (1)

Liek dis joke if ur a 90s kid

Now at first I thought to myself that this might all be pertaining to the method of delivery I was using in order to get netflix from the interwebs into my facebox. Unfortunately since I couldn’t seem to afford “The Box” by NygmaTech, I had to use a standard home console. As an Xbox fanboy/user/etc let me state this, our Netflix app is pretty much BALLS. It was terrible but it always worked and worked in full on HD. Uhhh, up until about January of 2013 that is. As someone who works in IT I figured “Okay, let’s go through all the basic steps we should perform here to make sure it’s not just a silly problem I’m over analyzing.”

 

3oows6

Really? FUCKING REALLY?

So I managed to go through every troubleshooting step given by Microsoft, Netflix, and my compubrain. Go back to try watching Netflix annnnnnnnd it’s crap. Okay, everyone says the PS3 is still working just fine because the app is better. Whatever, I’ll try anything at this point. So I blow the dust off of my PS3, like some video game Indiana Jones searching for a lost relic and after only 90 updates I was ready to try Netflix. I connected everything to the wifi annnnnnnd it’s crap. Right now my face is looking a bit like the meme in the side panel. I’ve run checks on the connection speed when using an ethernet cable and wifi. Wifi is running around 25mbps down and 10 up, Ethernet 98mpbs down and 35 up. Clearly this must be some government conspiracy to prevent me from watching the last part of the classic 2010 film, Free Willy: Escape from Pirate’s Cove. HOW WILL I EVER KNOW IF WILLY ESCAPES FROM MOTHER FUCKING PIRATE’S COVE? CLEARLY THIS IS A COVE FULL OF PIRATES, WHAT IS ONE WHALE TO DO ALONE AGAINST THE ODDS? THIS IS THE DIE HARD OF WHALE MOVIES PEOPLE, GAWD.

 

190px-Free_Willy4

No, seriously. Someone made this movie. This is not a joke.

 

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Do we really need a caption here?

So I’ve figured by this point I’ve figured out that the Xbox, PS3, and even laptop look like a thousand buttholes shitting into a toilet when it comes to streaming quality. Let’s go check Hulu and Amazon Prime I think to myself. WELP, those are in perfect clarity. I can see so HD so crisp it’s enough to tell how many folds are in the origami crane in the back of a movie scene. At this point I feel as if I’m about to lose my fucking mind twice over. Wait, didn’t I read about Netflix having awesome customer service? It appears it was time to call in the cavalry. So I head over to their page, log into my account, and get hooked up with the Netflix customer service team. The same customer service team who then has me go through every step I’ve already taken, and informed them I took, that they sent me knowledge base articles on. Because, as an IS Specialist, I would never have thought to try and help myself.

After an incredibly annoying 45 minutes of going step by step with the customer service rep I am absolutely confident they don’t have a clue what they’re talking about as they copy and paste links to me through the chat window. Of course they blame my ISP and try and give me some “clearly you aren’t getting enough of a constant speed from your ISP to our servers” bullcrap that would calm most people down. This is other than the fact that, when wired, I have a down speed of over 50 mbps and an up spseed of 25 mbps. Even with a deviant of 10-15 mbps in speed I would have more than enough to run Netflix at the highest quality. You only need 15 mbps to run their super crazy eye bleed 3D HD ED AD DD (High definition extra definition advanced definition DOUBLE DEFINITION) service. Fine, fuck you too crazy lady I’m calling my ISP. AGAIN. So after the annoyingly quick call with Comcast and them denying that they’re throttling speed and even looking at my neighbors to make sure they aren’t using much of their service I am still at a loss. A complete loss of HD. It’s like two kids on the playground giving each other wedgies and screaming that the other one started it while we’re all standing around confused because we can see what they’re doing.

Is it that big of a deal? No, not really. I can deal without HD video in my life. This is honestly a true life #firstworldproblem. Is it incredibly annoying? Yes. I pay for a service in which I cannot fully receive the benefits of. Why am I still paying for this service? Probably due to it’s easy access nature. We are complacent with the more technology we get. But, and in closing, I will say this: If you want to know why there is a huge spike in torrent traffic for my area in the next month it’s because I can pull down HD video files at over 5 mbps while I’m struggling to get SD quality across a legal medium. Blame yourselves Comcast and Netflix and eat a bag of dicks on the way.

fig,black,mens,ffffff.u1

At this point if said bag of dicks was in HD, I really would.


Ashton Graves

 
The biggest all around Nerd you'll ever meet. I'm internet famous (see http://www.siradio.fm ) and I'm an avid lover of comics, movies, games, and music. I'm a little bit angry and probably a little bit biased but I will always give you something to think about.